After a weeklong trip to Walt Disney World, as I went into a local establishment to grab dinner on our way home from the airport, my wife broke some tough news to our 7-year-old daughter — while we were gone, Bettie, her pet betta fish, had died.
Even with the afterglow of a terrific week still lingering, we felt it was important for her to be prepared as opposed to coming back to her bedroom to find the empty tank. Nevertheless, there were tears.
It was a hard lesson for a first grader: Even while in a world of fantasy — riding Slinky Dog Dash (her favorite roller coaster of all time), flying the Millennium Falcon and meeting “Baby Yoda,” eating meals with Mickey and Friends, and staying up way past bedtime to watch fireworks — the life you left behind still goes on and all its little (and big) trials still await you upon your return.
Of course, the responsibilities we all have to our family, friends, community, and our work will always take a place of precedence in our lives. However, those should not always trump the responsibility to ourselves and our own well-being.
The fact that these outside forces — however positive or negative they may be — are always looming should not ever steal from us the option of getting away. And I mean really getting away — putting away the laptop, not looking at the company email or messaging system on your phone, letting those close to you know you’re unplugging and need some space.
That is what makes the Disney World experience such a terrific one for me and my family. Especially if you have the luxury of staying within the “Disney bubble,” there is an opportunity to fully immerse yourself in another place and effectively disappear from the real world. For others, there are different escapes. Maybe it’s a tropical venue, a mountain refuge, or even something as simple as a day-long “stay-cation” with closed shades, a blanket and a good book or that series you love to binge.
Sure, the real world will be waiting for you when you get back — and sometimes it leaks in, like when the person watching your house asks what they should do about a dead fish — but overall, there’s real liberation in completely letting go.
Of course, I’m not obtuse enough to believe everyone can jet off to Florida for a week. Many are struggling hard enough just to keep their households going. Time off? Laughable. And many who take the time off without pay take with them the stress of wondering how much it’s going to hurt.
That in and of itself is an illustration of how broken our society is. When the idea of disconnecting and taking time for oneself or one’s family is considered a luxury, something has gone wrong. The fact that putting our own physical, mental and emotional well-being on the backburner has been so normalized that when people are able to get away they are hesitant or feel guilt is borderline reprehensible.
Of course, none of us want to put those around us in the lurch — that’s only natural. But when I’ve seen those I care about stressed about making sure they check their work email or send that report while on their supposed time off, it’s abundantly clear that they won’t enjoy its intended effects. And that the gap between people’s wages and even their basic expenses makes taking that “me” or “us” time virtually impossible is just one more way we are sacrificing the health of our neighbors and by extension or communities.
We need to work toward normalizing the idea that time off and vacation are essential self-care. Those who have the opportunity now and take full advantage of it aren’t lazy or any less committed to their other responsibilities; they simply appreciate the responsibility they have to themselves as well. And we need to determine how we can ensure that the idea doesn’t seem quite so unattainable to those who don’t currently have the chance.
In the meantime, please make sure you’re taking time for yourself as best you can. It’s honestly pathetic that we consider an hour of time to yourself a potential luxury, but that’s where we are at this moment.
So, if that hour is all you have, take it. And don’t apologize for it.
