HAMPDEN — An often-quoted poem by Brian A. Chalker reads, “People come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime.”
For Melva Michaelian, the people she met at the Hampden Senior Center’s Memory Café were there for all three.
In her book, “Thanks for the Memories,” Michaelian recalls the experiences she and her late husband shared there and the stories of others who are on the journey of memory care and dementia together.
After Michaelian’s husband Jerry, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, a progressive neurodegenerative form of dementia that affects memory, cognitive abilities, and social and behavioral skills, the two were always looking for activities they could do together, no matter what stage of the disease he was experiencing. They tried several programs aimed at dementia patients and their caregivers, but none of them were a good fit for the couple. Then, the couple heard about the Memory Care Café at the Hampden Senior Center.
Hampden Senior Center Outreach Coordinator Wendy Cowles and Christina Vernon, a clinical social worker, began the Memory Care Café in 2016. “It was the first in this area. They started more on the eastern part of the state. Now they’re everywhere, which is great,” said Cowles.
When the program started, it was offered every other week. ”Our participants wanted it every week. We had a participant, whose husband wouldn’t necessarily know what day of the week it is, but he knew when it was Friday and he was up and ready to go,” Cowles said. “People know they can relax and just check everything at the door. They can make some memories with their loved one.” The program serves about 18 or 20 people with memory loss or dementia and their caregivers.
“People get here around 10:15 a.m., or so, and people have their socialization time. After activity, people socialize again and then have lunch if they want,” said Cowles. “It was a little haven in the chaos of the week,” Michaelian said. “A lot of the time, when we think of supporting caregivers, we think of respite, a break,” said Michaelian. However, rather than spend time away from the person with memory issues, she said, “One of the things we’re looking for is something to do with this person.”
The Hampden Senior Center’s Memory Café uses what Michaelian described as a “universal approach,” focusing on activities that people with varying levels of memory loss can participate in. One example is yoga, in which an instructor is prepared to offer modified poses for different people.
Music is another great equalizer, Michaelian said. “The music has a tremendous calming effect,” she said, explaining, even if someone does not remember the music they hear, “the memory of having music in their lives comes back.” The café also engages people with crafts that the caregiver can assist with and socialization activities.
After Jerry died, Michaelian wanted to find a way to thank the Hampden Senior Center for the enrichment it had offered the couple. The book contains the stories of 13 people, some couples, who Michaelian met through the Memory Café. “A lot of people volunteered their stories, which I thought was courageous,” she said. Michaelian said she was intentional about including humor in the stories, along with anecdotes people reading the book can relate to. She said the central message of the book is, “You’re not alone. We make it through and sometimes it’s with the help of others.”
Michaelian and her husband attended the Memory Café for about three and a half years. Now that her husband has died, she said, “I still maintain friendships. We still have a connection there.” The people Michaelian met through the Memory Café have made “such an impact” on her life, she said, “There’s an echo of the café long after you leave.”
Michaelian has written or contributed to half a dozen children’s books and has three more in various stages of production. “Thanks for the Memories” is available for purchase on Amazon at tinyurl.com/ytnmtjdy.
