Gary Nadeau (far left) and son Brad (second from right) with family.
Reminder Publishing submitted photo
EASTHAMPTON — The loss of his son from a chronic illness inspired an Easthampton man to find the beauty in the pain and put it into writing.
Easthampton resident Gary Nadeau wrote “I Love You Mostest” to highlight his son’s optimistic and mindful attitude, and hopefully give inspiration to others dealing with or grieving over similar experiences.
The memoir explores the bond between Nadeau and his son Brad as they confronted the challenges of “chronic illness, shattered dreams and unimaginable loss,” according to the book’s synopsis.
“My son went through a lot of health experiences, that’s what’s spelled out in the book, and as a young man at a very young age, he seemed to develop a really healthy sense of resilience and emotional intelligence,” said Nadeau. “Brad quite often would sit there and say, ‘you know what, I’m only here for a short time, so I’m making the best of it.’ He knew that he had a choice to make. He could be woe is me about it, or he could accept the way it is and that he’d live his life to the fullest every moment he could. And I believe because he chose that, that’s what gave him that charismatic personality that drew people in.”
Brad passed away in 2022 from chronic atrial and intestinal dysrhythmia at 25 years old. From a young age, he dealt with health struggles, but Nadeau said he somehow stayed consistently optimistic through it all. This special trait in Brad needed to be shared with the world, Nadeau thought.
“At the time, my son was somewhere around 20 years old, and I mentioned to him would you be willing to write a book together? He a lot of times would say, ‘We should do a podcast dad. A lot of people could learn from the things we discuss and how we talk about stuff.’ Because Brad and I would talk a lot about philosophical, deep things and why people do what they do and how people react to things the way they react to, even though I myself struggle with emotional intelligence sometimes and am very reactionary,” Nadeau said, “That’s kind of one of the paths in the book, I actually learned a lot from my son.”
Aside from highlighting Brad’s resilience, Nadeau said that the book aims to be a guide for all who want to find light in the face of adversity. He said readers will discover valuable lessons about living in the present moment, embracing acceptance, and stubbornly holding onto hope, even when darkness seems overwhelming.
“This story may resonate strongly with families dealing with stress, caregiving, grief, and mental and emotional coping. I firmly believe this book will make a difference,” said Nadeau. “I promised him a legacy, and that’s when I really said I’m going to sit down and write a book about this.”
Nadeau explained that at 5 years old, Brad suffered a stroke and eventually was in and out of the hospital as doctors tried to identify the cause. Initially, doctors concluded that Brad was suffering from restrictive cardiomyopathy, and he was given a pacemaker because the illness causes stiffness to the heart. But years later, doctors ultimately found that Brad was suffering from a rare genetic disorder called chronic gastral and intestinal dysrhythmia.
The disorder affects the heart and the digestive system and impairs the rhythmic muscle contractions that propel food through the intestines, causing a digestive condition called intestinal pseudo-obstruction. The heart and digestive issues develop at the same time, usually by age 20. Eventually, the illness spread to impact Brad’s lungs before his passing.
“His stomach and intestine basically started to stiffen and stopped processing food and stopped working. So, he lost a lot of weight, ended up with constant chronic pain,” explained Nadeau.
The illness meant Brad needed to use parenteral nutrition, a medical treatment that delivers liquid nutrients like carbohydrates, fats, vitamins and minerals directly into the bloodstream through an IV. While he could technically still eat on occasion, the use of PN became the main source of daily nutrition for Brad.
“Even though Brad had this situation where he’s told, ‘hey, you can’t eat for the rest of your life,’ he was still the type of person, if he came into a room with a group of people, you’d want to meet him because his personality was just so very strong, positive, upbeat,” said Nadeau. “He was a caring person. He wanted to help people. He wanted to care for people, and he just exuded that. People just got to know him. He was just a really charismatic young man, and even though he suffered more in his short life than most people I’ve ever known, he was still the happiest, most positive, upbeat guy you could ever meet.”
That sentiment on Brad’s life and experience is what eventually inspired Nadeau to write a book about his and his son’s experience living with the illness. After Nadeau shared stories with family, friends, and community members in passing, many came to the same conclusion: he needed to share this story of resilience with the world.
Nadeau said he was amazed at his son’s resilience and ability to stay positive through episodes. After one episode mentioned in the book, Brad told his father how he was able to stay grounded through it all and still have a positive outlook on life.
“He said, ‘Actually, you taught me that dad. One of those times we were talking about stuff and you talked to me about learning about impermanence and what it’s about, and that one of the reasons that people suffer is because we don’t realize things are impermanent and we hang on to things that we want to keep which keeps us tight and we’re greedy we want to hold onto these things, so if we lose them then we suffer,’” Nadeau said.
Nadeau said Brad’s maturity and mindfulness throughout his struggles were always inspiring. Through philosophical discussions with his son, Nadeau began learning more about himself as a father, an experience the book also addresses.
“I was still doing what I needed to do, but internally burying the anger that I had over the hand that life dealt my family, and in the second half of the book, I talk about how I developed a mindfulness practice and how that mindfulness practice helped me to deal with things better, the discussions that I would have with Bradley,” said Nadeau. “I’m still to this day trying to work that mindset into my life to be able to use it on a regular basis. Because we talked about this stuff and he actually modeled it and showed it right in front of me, he kept it present for me. He made it easier for me to stay present and be more mindful.”
As of press time, the book has over 50 five-star reviews on Amazon since it was published in April, indicating to Nadeau that people are resonating with the memoir. Nadeau said that the positive response confirms that writing this book was a worthwhile endeavor.
“My son, in the last few years of his life, all he ever wanted to do [was] help people. He went to Framingham State University because he wanted to become a dietitian, and his goal was to work at Boston Children’s Hospital to help individuals that were on PN [parental nutrition] like him, and because he understood that experience and thought he’d be a great asset to that kind of thing,” said Nadeau. “His story and the life that he lived was just monumental. It’s so special that people need to know about it because it will help them deal with a variety of things.”
“I Love You Mostests” by Gary Nadeau is available on Amazon.
