Tristyn and Kim Borden
Reminder Publishing submitted photo
PITTSFIELD — For the first time in his life, Tristyn Borden, 17, cares about what he’ll look like when he goes back to school this year. He’ll be a senior at Mill Pond School in Richmond, just outside of Pittsfield.
“He’s taking an interest in his appearance. He wants to go clothes shopping with me, develop his own style and pick out his own clothes. This is huge for him,” said his mother, Kim.
Until this year, Kim said her son had extreme anxiety over going back to school, telling Reminder Publishing he stressed about new teachers, classes, classrooms, peers and homework.
“His behaviors would become amped up, he’d be more resistant, he’d be argumentative. Transitions had to be gradual. He needs to know what’s going to happen,” she said.
Since middle school, Kim has worked closely with administrators, introducing her son to his teachers and classrooms—and showing him where he’ll sit, and fit in.
“One thing we learned was giving him a job to do, something he was responsible for, gave him a sense of belonging,” she said.
Widespread anxiety
Tristyn’s anxiety is extreme and therapists have been helping him with his ongoing developmental issues. Even so, back-to-school fears are common among children and young adults.
According to The Harris Poll, 71% of American parents say their children experienced challenges last year. Parents said their children worried about their safety, academics, bullying and socializing with other students.
“Back-to-school anxiety is not uncommon for students of any age. The concern is when this anxiety becomes chronic and interferes with daily routines,” said Dr. Negar Beheshti, chief medical officer at MiraVista Behavioral Health Center in Holyoke.
“One study done over a period of years in different school districts estimated that approximately 1 in 6 students had enough symptoms during those years to be diagnosed with a childhood mental health disorder,” he continued.
Mill Pond Schools in Richmond and Springfield are affiliated with Helix Human Services. They serve students in kindergarten through age 22 who have social-emotional and/or behavioral challenges, a learning disability or who may have a diagnosis of high-functioning autism spectrum disorder.
When children worry about leaving the fun and safety of summer and their parents, they act out in ways that should alert adults that something is wrong, said Michelle Tyer, principal of Mill Pond in the Berkshires.
“All parents should keep an eye on their children’s sleep or eating habits. If those change, or if they are withdrawn when they talk about school and cannot tolerate that conversation, or they change how they speak about their friends or their peers at school — those are signs of a kiddo who’s anxious about going back to school,” said Tyer.
On alert
While parents need to be on alert for red flags that signal anxiety, some children hide their distress. Reaching out to them is key to detecting angst that is more than academic.
“Signs a young person may be struggling to adjust include an inability to focus, physical complaints, such as stomach and head aches and an ongoing reluctance to attend school. Asking a child how they are feeling may help them discuss what is bothering them,” said Beheshti.
“Adolescents may open up to parents who indicate they are willing to listen without judgement. Ask open-ended questions about their concerns and validate their emotions. Let them know it’s OK to feel anxious,” the doctor continued.
Parents and guardians may relax rules over the summer, allowing children to stay out late, play games into the wee hours of the morning and snack until they slumber. But as the schoolyear approaches, keeping a sensible, predictable routine can help ease the back-to-school transition.
“Having a consistent bedtime and morning routine — waking up, getting your breakfast, having a really good routine in place is important, even though kids might push back at going to bed a little earlier, waking up a little bit earlier. Over time, having those consistent routines and good sleep makes a huge difference in the day-to-day stuff,” said Tyer.
Children may be worried that classes will become more difficult and there will be more homework. Tyer said parents should tell their children to take things one at a time.
“A lot of kids worry about what is a new school year going to bring. They talk about not being smart enough for a new year. We remind them they’re smart enough, and instead of saying, ‘I can’t do that,’ we say, ‘I can’t do that, yet,’” she stated.
Bullying
Among the greatest fears children and young adults have are social anxiety and being bullied, said Tyer. It’s crucial that students have adults at home or in school they can trust to talk about the aggression.
“We tell kids, as soon as you have any concern, tell your trusted person because they have an obligation to help. We do a lot of work with training our staff on how to handle a concern when that’s brought to us, and how to help kids mediate situations and solve problems,” she said.
Kim said Tristyn is a math “genius” and has always been a straight ‘A’ student. He’s expected to graduate from Mill Pond with his high school diploma next spring. He wants to be a truck driver, she said, so he can be on the road three weeks a month and return home to his parents when he’s not working.
Things have come a long way for her family — easing their back-to-school anxiety has been a long haul.
“I was constantly concerned for him — always on the edge of my seat, waiting to get a phone call because there was another issue with Tristyn,” she said. “Every time my phone rang, my heart went in my throat. I started answering the phone with ‘What’s wrong?’ instead of ‘Hello.’ It’s nice to not feel that way anymore.”
